The End of Many Moons Workbooks
by Sarah Gottesdiener·
Photo by the Wedel Collective
About 3 and a half years ago, I got a message from spirit* that I was to write lunar workbooks. At first, I had no idea what that meant or what that could be. At first, I was incredibly resistant to this message. Me, a writer? While I had wanted to be a children's book writer, and while I have written many, many songs and poems in my life, I had never taken a writing class. Certainly I had NEVER thought about being a self-help, metaphysical writer. I have severe ADHD that impedes my ability to write. I was a designer, an artist, a tarot reader, and, at the time, an adjunct professor. I was juggling teaching 3-4 different college classes in opposite ends of Los Angeles, doing freelance jobs, selling my designs through my store, and besides teaching design and art in universities, taught metaphysical workshops—tarot, intuition, and magic. One of those workshops was called Moonbeaming, and I taught folks how to live in time with the Moon. It was based off my own personal practice of a decade plus of magic, tarot, and the moon.
The message was clear. Spirit communication arrives, and have learned to listen. I was to write these books for three years, and three years only. When I tried to get more details—how?why?— spirit was vague. Just do the work, and we will support you. Figure it out, and we will come through you. A tarot reading clarified that by January of 2016, the workbook was to be out.
The very last Many Moons workbook will be finished in about one month, in December of 2018. While I wanted to quit more times than I could ever count, I had vowed to see this promise through, and so I did. My contract with spirit is now up—6 workbooks, 3 years, lots of tears, challenges, loss, change, and lots of moments of wonder and creation and vision and downloads later, I am feeling transformed and profoundly shifted. It is still mysterious, it is still acute, and I do not feel interested in giving language to this, or attempting to write about and share about something so very private, just yet.
It is incredibly difficult to attempt to talk about this project with much clarity. It is far too close to me, in fact, in many ways, it IS me, and has left me far too exhausted and blown open. Some time to put the workbooks in the rearview mirror of my life will be helpful. Some space to let the dust of channeling, writing, editing, curating, designing 6 books in 3 years on top of running a tarot practice, a feminist-themed store, a design business, and much, much more, settle.
It is incredibly difficult to try to talk about this project without experiencing the duality of precious ownership, and knowing that actually, this is the energy of a total collective offering. Grappling with how much of the work was "mine" and how much was from source for everyone else, has been a fool's errand. This project is much too far away, floating in the ether of nature and the divine, and for so many other people, for me to try to define or defend or try to explain my own thoughts and reflections on the work.
At the end of all of this, I can only feel a baseline level of gratitude. My heart can only be opened to all the connection this project has brought me. Thank you to everyone who read this work, who followed along, who posted photos of their workbook, who wrote us intimate emails about your process that made me cry more often than not, thank you to everyone for being so willing to engage in this work. Thank you to every store that sold the workbook, who hosted a workshop, who kept ordering through the years. I tried to present you all with what has saved my life, over and over again. The Moon, and circular living, has been my model, my anchor, and my guide. Creativity, nature, and magic practice has been my solace, my support, and the place where I can truly feel as though divinity exists.
I hope you all have been encouraged by this work as well. It was only created to help, to inspire. It was only created to bring you closer to the absolute beauty of yourself.
Many Moons will continue, just in different forms. We made a Lunar Planner that we have sold out of, but are in many stores. I will still teach classes. I will still see my wonderful tarot clients who I appreciate and love so much. I will still write zines, I will still self-publish, and have many ideas for writing about so many subjects. In December, I hunker down to write Many Moons the book, that will be published by St. Martin's Press in either 2019 or 2020. There are still tons and tons of projects and ideas that I am looking forward to creating. Hopefully, in a year or two, I can put out a Many Moons compilation, as the vast majority of the work is timeless. In the meantime, you can read excerpts on this blog, or sign up for the newsletter.
I look forward to checking in with spiriit again about my next steps—but for the foreseeable future, I'll be quieter. I need to catch up to my present self and what she needs.
Thank you for reading. I'm sending you so much love.
*(You can call "spirit" higher self, higher power, muse, intuition, angels, guide or guides, or whatever makes you feel most comfortable.)