The Secret Magic of Intrinsic Boundaries
by Sarah Gottesdiener·
Boundaries are magic. This isn’t only a fact in the world of witchcraft: in our everyday life, boundaries are a must. Boundaries are an essential part of a self-care practice and of being a part of any community. Boundaries allow us to have healthy and intimate relationships, create and consume consciously, and lovingly interact with each other and our surroundings. This doesn’t mean boundaries are easy: to create, enforce, and communicate them is a constant practice. Especially when we’re starting out, honoring our boundaries can feel like one step forward, two steps back.
Boundaries can sometimes feel counter-culture. The truth of the matter is that our current overculture is a non-consensual culture. Non-consent is the norm: people assume, they don’t check in—there isn't really a huge regard for others. Many people don’t consider what their particular boundaries are. Or, they are too afraid to communicate them, even in safe spaces. A lot of us have yet to understand that someone stating their boundaries isn’t a punishment or personal.
Boundaries are an act of love, as is communicating them. It is trusting and caring and loving yourself and someone else enough to be vulnerable and honest.
Oftentimes, we don’t even know what our own boundaries are until someone has crossed them. These experiences can accumulate and lead to energy drains and disempowerment. It can also cause us to misunderstand that our boundaries are somehow wrong. Boundaries are not “good” or “bad.” They are about what you need, prefer, and require in all areas of your life.
Boundaries are where you end and another person begins. Boundaries keep you safe and well cared for. When you are in your own energy, tapped into your own intuition, what does your spirit want or need?
How To Set Boundaries
Having clear and practiced boundaries is imperative if you want to be tapped into your intuition. Intuition thrives in trust and in safe containers, and boundaries help you make your safest container: you. This is the secret key to unlocking the magic of intrinsic boundaries: boundaries work best with yourself.
Having energetic alignment between thoughts, actions, and words is an essential ingredient of clear boundaries. You've got to know what you need and what you'd like, and you’ve got to be disciplined and loving enough with yourself to give yourself those things.
Intrinsic boundaries is a term I coined that describes having your boundaries in integrity with what your words and desires. To honor your intrinsic boundaries is to be energetically congruent. Say your desire was to work less, worry less, and have more space. If you tell another person you can’t come into work on your day off, but spend two hours being resentful about them asking you, then you are out of your intrinsic boundary. An intrinsic boundary would have been saying “I can’t do that,” and moving on.
Having intrinsic boundaries with yourself is essentially about not punishing yourself. Not promising yourself one thing then doing another. Keeping your word to yourself. Intrinsic boundaries allow you to treat yourself well.
Take time to reflect on your boundaries in some areas of your life: your energy, your time, your relationships, and in your magical practice. Start really simply by checking in with yourself and your energy each day. Check in with all of your boundaries and map out where they need support. Give yourself the space to give yourself as much as you can, as much as you need.
Some questions to ask yourself:
When you are in your own energy, tapped into your own intuition, what does your spirit want or need?
What are your boundaries? What do you need more of? What do you need less of? What makes you feel disrespected or overlooked by yourself and by others?
What kind of boundaries would need to be put into place to allow you to be both completely protected and open at the same time?
If you want to learn more about the magic of
intrinsic boundaries, and how Tarot can support your boundary practice, subscribe to my podcast Moonbeaming and listen to my episode on all things boundaries.